Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
