I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
