I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he thought i was a dude.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize