hotel room ftw
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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