my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
