it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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