i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
