Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
