You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
