Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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