the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
