he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
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