Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Text me some of your sweat
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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