Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
