The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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