So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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