I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
