yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
