I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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