I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize