I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
