Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
