well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
