We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
