guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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