I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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