Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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