I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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