margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
