1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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