Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
