What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
