I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
