Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
