You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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