I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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