We're like a lot better than the average bears
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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