she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
