Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
