Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
