Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
