uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
