And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
