how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize