Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
