so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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