Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize