Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
