so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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