I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize