I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize