i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize