It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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