He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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