i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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