I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just blew my weed a kiss
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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