is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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