I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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