Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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