i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
