i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
