I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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