If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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