I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
