Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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