as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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