I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
