So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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