He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
