Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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