This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
