I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
