How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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