Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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