i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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