I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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