Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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