sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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