I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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