My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
