Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ladies don't puke and tell
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
