piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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