I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
